i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
