Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
