They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
