my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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