You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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