I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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