Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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