I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
