Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
