I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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