Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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