John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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