i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I lost the right to judge tonight
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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