After last night, I could never be a politician.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
This toilet bowl is my home.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
