Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
