I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
