you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
