first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
