There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
