First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
