I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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