It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
