I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
