I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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