Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
