My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
