someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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