Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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