Best friends brother. Beat that.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
we're so committed to being not committed
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
