four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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