Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
