And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
