VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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