i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
