Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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