Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
not ubering you a puppy
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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