so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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