I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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