its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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