So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
