Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
