He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
