Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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