would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
