what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
is wine microwaveable?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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