ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
