yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
