so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Redeem this text for a blowjob
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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