Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
