you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My ass is underappreciated
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
