Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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