real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
