she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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