Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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