tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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